Five

Hello. My name is Reyn Taylor. And I think I’m different than other people my age. Sometimes I feel powerful beyond what makes sense, and the better half of me yearns to be exactly what I am: untouchable, unexplainable, uninhabitable. I want to embrace my brilliance and inspire change- I feel destined to start a movement. But all you will ever see is who I have pretended to be. I am different. I am worse. I am lacking. I am not enough for me and will therefore never be enough for you. I am a swarm of frizzy curls and tired skin dotted with what one can only assume is the ultimate number of ugly freckles allowed on one person’s face at a time. I am so awkward. It’s ugly. I’m ugly. Too ugly to feel so beautiful on the inside. Too ugly to be brilliant. Too damn insignificant to be near anything that resembles perfection. Too damn disgusted with what I see in every picture ever taken- every pose that ever attempted to portray me as something beautiful. Who I am inside is a lie. That is the only explanation. And even if I were to find the courage to break away from this never ending cycle of what holds me down, who would look at me? I can’t even look at myself. It’s all too ugly.