Five

Once Upon a Time…

I created an image that I was certain would make others incredibly envious and intimidated by and as a result they would somehow magically like me because they would aspire to be me; PERFECT!

I created an image that I thought would grant me my true friend, my perfect prince charming, the perfect job, the perfect car and the perfect life; a life FULL of content and abundance. I created an image that I thought would impress the entertainment industry and I would be a movie star and model in no time.

And there wasn’t anything that anyone could pick on me about anymore because I had already encompassed everything “they” wanted to be! I was beautiful, I was always happy and smiley, I was smart and I always had the answers to everyone’s problems…because I had none.

I created an image that I thought would have me noticed…recognized…praised for!

It was a beautiful fairytale and I got to be Cinderella…or did I?

And then I realized that this image that I had devoted all of my time and energy to served me no purpose because it served no one but ME.

My ego was being fed and yet I was still unhappy, furious by my results. My envious tactic had worked  yet I still felt empty. My image had become destructive; a monster that I had created and didn’t know how to breakfree from. So, I contemplated destroying the image and just being authentic; Which meant I would have to open up to people; be vulnerable enough to take off the mask and feel again.

I have been numb for too many years…it seemed impossible..so far out-of-reach. What if no one liked the real Julianna? What if I wasn’t accepted for just being me?

Slowly I became the person I was born to be. Awkward and unique, loving and compassionate, inspiring and empowering… Slowly I began to see the beauty and sparkle in my eyes, the brilliant-minded people I had attracted in to my life, the amazing opportunities that were presented in my path, the most loving boyfriend I could ever had ask for, was finally recognizable and I had to face the mirror.

Shortly, thereafter I had FINALLY met my life-long best friend and God became my number one fan! I realized that I had ALWAYS been perfect without the make-up, without the clothes, without the front I had been forcing for so many years; just so that I could be noticed. And now, with no effort at all people recognize a beauty I didn’t even know I had.