Tears
I lost myself
I checked-out
disconnected from the world
disassociated from the rest
I left my feelings at the back door of the house I grew up in when I was 9.
Distracting myself became my main addiction
I laughed…
grinned at things I couldn’t comprehend.
Today…
I am misunderstood..
alienated by my reality
lost from the rest
in hiding hoping someone will find me
Death crept upon me as if it were real
As if I had been the one decaying in the ground
I long to escape these pearly gates of misery
I long for freedom from this hell.
I cried for help but no one answered
I begged for freedom and no one cared
I was convinced I deserved this punishment.
The numbness would never subside.
The empty shell; free from pain.
Trapped in a tunnel
A place of confusion and deceit,
wrongful deception and seclusion.
God is my only witness
My only escape
My only light
the only hope
Without God I am an empty shell
or maybe just a safe place in the dark
Life is all that I want
To touch and be touched
the exchange of another’s warmth
To empathize those in mourning
To properly respect the other side
To put to death yesterday and be born again
I long for Freedom
I long for trust
I long for that lump in my throat
that I can no longer swallow.
I long for tears.
The freedom to be.
