Five

Posts by Reyn

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I’m doing FIVE because I believe I owe it to the people in my life right now, the people who have walked out of my life, and all those who will walk in later. I suppose I at least owe it to myself. I hate that I am so afraid of myself, I hate that I am a worse person because I live in constant fear of being better. Maybe I’m doing it for selfish reasons. I keep hoping that if I can exploit and expose my weaknesses for all the world to see; if I can stare down the barrel of everything that is not good enough inside of me and confront a past where I have let myself down over and over again, then maybe, just maybe, I can be something incredible. Despite my ever-declining faith, I still pray every day that I am not alone in how insignificant and lost I feel. I know that I feel and struggle with the same insecurities and heart wrenching terrors of everyone else, and yet I believe I am absolutely different in one way. I have an opportunity, along with the four most amazing people I have ever met, to do something about it. FIVE can reach people. It can be the power that I don’t know how to have all by myself. It’s real. Realer than anything else in this fake world. And it is good. FIVE is perfect because it redefines the definition of perfection. Perfection is reaching the point of insanity and still being good. I suppose I am still discovering exactly what FIVE is, and I am having trouble putting what I feel in to words at the moment. But I know that insecure, self-conscious, and insignificant Reyn couldn’t do something like FIVE. But yet here I am. I guess that means maybe I’m more beautiful than I thought. Maybe this is part of my brilliance. The first step in my movement.

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