Five

Absolutely, If That’s Who You Want Me to Be!

I am clay. Mold me as you please. Whatever you want, just please, please like me. I beg you.

This is who I am. I am not my own person, I am merely on earth to fulfill everyone else’s needs. Would you like me to tell you a joke? I am really funny. How about an impression, do you like impressions? If I can’t entertain you, if I can’t make you laugh there is no way you could possibly like me. This is the reality I have created for myself. Do not be fooled it is in no way altruistic but built from selfishness, insecurity and years of convincing myself that my opinion does not matter. Tell me your view about anything and I will agree with you. You can say something completely absurd that my values disagree with to the greatest extent and I will not say a word. The closest I will come to standing up for myself is staying completely silent, I may even nod my head so you don’t have the slightest inkling that I disagree with you. I am pathetic . I have successfully brainwashed myself to think that I am not worthy of anything good and I do not even count as a person. I am fully aware of my insecurities and how ridiculous all of this actually is, but I cannot get away from it. I cannot escape. This is who I am. Do you like me?